Dear Ex-King Gyanendra Bir Bikram Shah,
Today, I feel for you. I was so terribly wrong about you. Let me lighten up myself by taking out everything that was inside me for last 8 years.
Let me be bold and say this,
I thought you are a bad man. I thought you killed King Birendra and his family. I thought you did all those to become a king. I never tried to read your sad face when you were crowned, instead I read and got carried away with Dr. Baburam Bhattarai’s article on Kantipur, where he infused the conspiracy. I thought Dr. PhD must have a reason to make such a bold claim. I thought Dr. PhD must have a rationality in his claim. Damn! I feel so guilty now, for reading those lies and ignoring emotions on your face. Well, I was a teen, justifies my stupidity.
Then, you took over the power. Instead of thinking of your intent as a country-loving man, who had no option but to give one more try to fix the issue around that Sher Bhahadur Deuba could not, I thought it was a part of plan, that you were already determined to do after killing your brother and his family. What a brainwashed Citizen I was; here too I thought, Dr. BRB was right.
And, then came the “Janaandolan.” I didn’t expect you would step down so easily. But, you did. I could not believe that. “How a man who killed his own brother to become a king could step down so easily and quietly?” That’s what I thought. My deluded and paranoid mind made up his own conspiracy. “Wait! there must have been some kind of agreement between him and politicians, so he came out quietly.” I was so confident that all this “Jana andolan” and “Loktantra” and “Ganatantra” was a well plotted plan to bring Maoists in mainstream and later would bring you back. A grand design plotted and agreed between Indian government and RAW and Nepalese politicians and you.
I was such a terrible person. I never tried to think it in other way – “What if he loved people and thus chose to step down rather than fighting until the last breath, giving damn about how many lives would bleed to death?”
Then constitution saga started, one year, two years, three years, four years, they failed, and again another election, again number begun, one year, two years…Meanwhile, I used to hear about Paras, used to hear about Komal maa’m, used to see that goddess like face of Himani and your cute grandkids. Seriously! I feel extremely ashamed now thinking that I never ever tried to feel you. I never tried to ask “How a father must be feeling to see his son in that condition?” “how it would feel to see daughter-in-law, who once was from such a good family ended up in mess.” I never tried to think, “how a husband must be feeling to see his wife in pain and depression.” Instead, I was so poised with conspiracies that I thought you are a bad man, who all cares about is power and going per the plan quietly to get back to your throne as per the agreement — a grand design, designed to dramatise Constitution process for 10 long years, make people fed up and making that the reason, get king back to the throne….Hurraayy!!, back to 2047 with space for maoists.
I am sorry that all this time I tried giving a meaning to your quietness as a selfish dad, selfish man, who sacrifices own brother and son for power. Today, on this day when Nepal has constitutionally turned into a republic country, I realised how ill my perspectives were — my conspiracies. I am feeling nauseous now.
Sir, forgive me for having all ill thoughts about you. Forgive me to take so long to realise your true self. Those conspiracy theorists are to be blamed. Those propaganda factories in the name of media house are to be blamed. I was just too young not to get carried away with those lies and fabrication and stories created for click baits. I was just too ignorant to think all doctorates are rational and intellects. I was just too screwed up to think rationally.
I look at the Syria and Assad, and think of you and what he is doing and what you did. Damn! you were such a nice person.
Anyway, I am changed now. With the New Constitution, I have flushed all the conspiracies and propagandas, against you and against anyone. I am very much rational now. I know now, human behaves solely on his/her own wisdom, fights or retreats, acts or doesn’t act, all are based on his own principles and integrity. Humans are not puppet to walk the line, drawn by someone, throughout his life to accomplish the “Grand Design.”
This is all I wanted to tell you. I was suffocated since the evening and needed to transfuse my poised blood and thoughts, so writing this. Now, I am in so much of peace and freed. Anyway, you too are a free man. Hence, I am sure, no one will doubt your helping hands.