I am not a rape victim anymore

“I fought, yelled and cried but it didn’t matter. Maybe my scream was not loud enough for people to come and help me. Maybe my plea was not strong enough for people to come and set me free. To this day, I can feel the tight grasp of that monster against my hand. I could feel myself being the prey of that animal who recklessly torn me apart. The pressure of his body was too hard to resist. I tried everything I could to release myself from his forceful grip. His eyes howled fire and my eyes cried the tears of blood. Those tears gracefully crawled down my cheeks. My body was physically present but my soul was ripped and thrown away. Even today when I walk in those empty streets at night and hear a footstep approaching near, I feel bizarre. I could feel the tension all over again. I feel the history might repeat itself. I try so badly not to think of that sharp pain. But every time I close my eyes, that awful night and that horrifying face keeps coming back. My story was kept untold for the longest of time. I was not ready for the world to judge me. I was not ready for the world to make any assumption; maybe her dress was short, maybe she was giving away signs. Even if I approached the world to tell my story, it would be cruel enough to muffle my story with lies. I was just not ready for that. The monster that shattered my heart into pieces is still wandering around freely looking for another prey and I am devastated to an extent that I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. But, I heave a sigh of relief that at least I am not like him. It would be better to live devastated by joining the pieces of the broken soul rather than crushing another soul every other day. This incident wrecked me. It wasn’t easy to swallow the tears, to provide warmth to the heart that has been frozen till today. I was scared of everyone and everything. I hated myself for letting it happen. I hated the people around me for not hearing my scream. But deep down, slowly, I realized I had the strength to end it all and this incident can no longer hurt me. Today I faintly smile whenever I see my broken body and praise it for escaping the past. I slowly won’t hear the voice inside my soul that makes me recall the unbearable pain. Eventually, I will grow deaf to them. Now, every time I tell this story, I have a different glow in my face. I don’t hate myself anymore. I am not a rape victim anymore. I am a sexual assault survivor. I am a fighter.”

Of all crimes committed, rape is the most violating one. To use another person’s body and ignore the soul that resides within is the most egregious crime that one person can commit against other. A rape victim is often left with a feeling that a part of them has been torn apart. They should get professional help and aid to enable them to move on from the incident and start a new era of their life.
Written By: Archeesa Aryal

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